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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Plain few days...

Everytime i drop here by this blackhole...i must have drown myself into such feeling i cudn't even understand. Being myself and translating every mood and feeling i have into words,sometimes are much more harder that i thought.since i've been hiding my true self out there,avoiding people to see much in me.its not that i'm a hypocrite.Its just that if people wud see me and truely how i feel,they must not like to see the unhappy part of me.

However the few past weeks have been plain.Just a normal day i used to live with.The same hactic environment that accompany me all the way through. Well yes, i never missed one second thinking about him,praying for him for every single days passed. There's no loss of praying for the best for people right. May Allah protect him, physically,emotionally, and spiritually.May he becomes a stronger person by time.May he gets all he desire in life, high achievement like how high he used to aim. A very aimfull sometimes so fixed that no one cud change his mind.

Well, talking about me myself,i've a major conflict in me.(thank God he's not here anymore to see me with problems and complication anymore)I've given a chance to have a big change in life, a new step of beginning-lifestyle,knowledge,etc.And actually i like it. The thing now is i'm thinking of how i cud go to where i wanted to.Trying hard to have funding, which, without the funding i might not get there.I'd just rather stay to where i am now, working for about a year later pursuing into academic. I just wrote a letter to some appropriate body where i cud get fundings and sponsorship in order to reach me there.May Allah helps me with this.I need it right.while the time is running out.The confirmation of acceptance only valid if i replied within the 4weeks after the official letter reached me.and now i have only 1 week left to reply! Its quite hactic with the assignments(which haven't finished yet even though i've finished school)..and few other tasks and responsibility i do carry in that manner.Only Allah knows how tiring it is..but Allah gives me strength in anything i do.

This few weeks too, i kept on thinking, after all this study- school tasks has finished,i'd like to stay at my grandmom's house. I missed the village, and how valuable it was being brought up there. I MISSED GRANDMOM! The main thing in this mind is, i'd like to get back the peaceful in mine,physically, spiritually, and emotionally.I just feel and believe that this three elements must be equal and balance. Well,since we broke up too...i've been a different person. I missed myself who used to be sincere in everything i do,looking at things positively(eventhough he used to say that i'm pessimmistic sometimes).The happy part in me and the very sincere smile i use to have.(that doesnt mean that when i'm smile i'm not sincere now, its just that it has become..>> AN INCOMPLETE SMILE. incomplete because of him.I truely missed him if only he knows.Dear Allah please sent to him my love, praying his peace in mind.Ameen. =) Nothing changes since he left home.And the surprising thing is that my parents went to grandmom's house few weeks ago. And grandmom do ask mother about him,whether we are still together(Gosh, grandmom still remember him since the conversation they do have on phone)...I just missed the moment..how much he loves me and my family,and how much i love his.i still hope things would come back to how it used to be. Everyone do care,everyone likes us to be together.The only person who change is him..his hard.But however, everytime i hear the song Escape by Enrique Iglesias(the first song i feel like he cant run from this love), i'll be more happier.Well, from what i feel,and believe,i keep on hoping, and some part of me still believe that he's stiil with me.This love..


ESCAPE by ENRIQUE IGLESIAS

You can run you can hide
But you can't escape my love, love, love, love
You can run you can hide
But you can't escape my love

Here's how it goes
You and me
Up and down but maybe this time
We'll get it right
Worth the fight
'Cause love is something you can't shake
When it breaks
All it takes is some tryin'

If you feel like leaving
I’m not gonna beg you to stay
But soon you'll be finding
You can run you can hide
But you can't escape my love
You can run you can hide
But you can't escape my love

So if you go
You should know
It's hard to just forget the past
So fast
It was good
It was bad but it was real and that's
All you have
In the end our love mattered
(No, no, no)

If you feel like leaving
I’m not gonna beg you to stay
(I won't beg you to stay)
But soon you'll be finding
You can run you can hide
But you can't escape my love
You can run you can hide
But you can't escape my love

You can run, you can hide,
But you can't escape my love
You can run, you can hide,
But you can't escape my love

Here's how it goes
All it takes is some tryin'
(Baby you can run)

If you feel like leaving
I’m not gonna beg you to stay
(I won't beg you to stay)
But soon you'll be finding
(You'll be finding)
You can run you can hide
But you can't escape my love
(You can't escape my love)

If you feel like leaving
I’m not gonna beg you to stay
(You can't escape my love)
But soon you'll be finding
You can run you can hide
But you can't escape my love
(No, no)

You can run, you can run
You can run, you can run

(You can run)
Baby, you can run, baby you can hide
(You can run)
But you can’t escape my love
(You can run)
Baby you can run, baby you can hide
(You can run)
But you can’t escape my love

You can run, you can run
(You can run you can hide)
But you can't escape my love, love, love, love
You can run you can hide
But you can't escape my love

Dear love, hope u hear me..and hope u hear it's still calling and waiting for us. Remember, ...

Searching rainbows,

"...whe
n light meets the rain..." =)




Love,
me-

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