Sunday, December 6, 2009

The day I'm afraid of

It was the day i went to pc fair with najib, a senior of mine, Its quite a long time looking and searching for stuffs we'd like to buy. Going back and forth and keep on rewinding to the previous hall.Alast, i ended up buying only a 4GB pendrive and he leave with a stylish headphone with him.

After that, he treated me BurgerKing and i have a set of mine, packed up neatly. But seems like the date was just until there since i have to depart to my client consultant meeting at Bandar Utama. The meeting too was absolutely unpredictably long and dry. *Sigh* However i get to learn a lot of things there, with the clients, engineer and contractor.

I drove back home, as i see a guy, about my age, sitting beside my dad at the couch.
"Assalamualaikum",delivering salaam and kissing dad's hand.
There goes mama, looking at me so brightly and happily as like i havent meet her for years. Her eyes were shiny, unlike other days. Her smile was big, showing some hope from it. I was caught in the weird situation. There must be something wrong here which i dont know.

I went to the kitchen and told mama my whole day story, the date, the meeting and all. Its quite tiring, but somehow i enjoyed everything today.Quite a long Sunday i guess.
But mama's face hasnt change, her delightful look makes me feel even more curious. What's on?
But i just ignored since she has been hiding about it. Guess she'll tell when its time.

I went upstairs and done my maghrib prayer, and later surving the internet and plucking the guitar with some songs.
Mama went into the room and said, "Its better for me to helped her at the kitchen. Its no good for him to see that i'm not helping". And again the 'looks' and expressions just comes back.
Am surprised! ??
Who is she talking about?
Who's the him?
There she grinned, leaving me with question marks on my head.
I went down helping mama at the kitchen. Preparing some cooking materials for dinner.
"He's intelligent. Smart as well. Once an IT students. Now studying Forex. He learnt many language,too.. I guess his's a brilliant boy."

And there it goes...My curiosity was answered.
I was....stucked there too. Why is she saying that? But her face was full with hope. I can sense it. Giving me hint all over, wasnt the way she is. Plus, promoting and talking about some guys too, wasnt her pleasure. But why today, was she like that?
I just ignored her. Maybe she she's just correct, but we'll see.
There we had dinner, all four of us. Dad, Mama, Jabar(the guy's name) and me.
Okay honestly it's quite odd. Eating with a complete stranger but i have nothing negative towards him. Just looking for the things mama pointed out to me. Just an image i'm trying to find in the simply dressed guy.
We talked. About language. About Information Technology(IT). About making dreams reality. About understanding knowledge. About Islam. And many things that prove mama's words on him.
A quite talented person, quite open-minded, has deep thgought and critical thinking, matured as well.
We talked a lot at dinner. Until realized time has passed, and we waved goodbye. What a wonderful person he is. Guess mama think the same too..But, he's just another unique person i met this life.

Dear love, what should i do looking at this. What should i do in this situation i'm facing. I see only a thick high wall that i seem cant jump high through. I'm still stuck here. Having you in mind. i cant even open up to anyone yet. trying hard to let go but,the legs are tied. And my heart, too.

Cry by Kelly Clarkson
If anyone asks,
I'll tell them we both just moved on,
When people all stare,
I'll pretend that I dont hear them talk,
Whenever I see you,
I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue,
Pretend I'm okay with it all, Act like there's nothing wrong
Is it over yet
Can i open my eyes
Is this as hard as it gets
Is this what it feels like to really
If anyone asks I'll tell them we just grew apart
Yeah what do i care if they do believe me or not
Whenever I feel your memory is breaking my heart
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong
Is it over yet
Can I open my eyes
Is this as hard as it gets
Is this what it feels like to really
I'm talking in circles
I'm lying they know it
Why dont this just all go away
Is it over yet
Can I open my eyes
Is this hard as it gets
Is this what it feels like to really

For now and forever I can only pray, May Allah be with me, guide me on what's the best to be done. Allah knows best surely, more than we know or even think of it. Is it really wrong to love you? Is loving you really a mistake? Its painful but..i know and believe that Allah is here with me. Its raining , but ALlah knows when's the next spring and summer. Its gloomy, but Allah knows when shall light can meets the rain... : Searching Rainbow::

With love,


mr_bread said...

sabarrr eh...

Anonymous said...

hurm...tu la's always that suspend la joo. :)

Syima said...

ok i dont like it if my parents did that, altho it's a good reason but still, for me , it is too sudden 0_O

Anonymous said...

Allah bless u adik...nothing is wrong to love someone badly..but the negative thing is if we are tied to feelings that is not giving us benefits.

Allahumma ameen toyour duas,never give up on Allah's blessings.Seek for HIM not other than HIM.

with salams adn duas,

mr_bread said...