Stay

It was a day after the whole family got back from kampung at Johor, that i got the chance to surf the internet. The whole night it was good, the whole family was at family area, sitting and enjoying CSI Supreme on Sunday night. It was rare for us to get the chance to spend such a quality time together. The last time was on 1 Muharram, when all 5 of us joined doa awal and akhir tahun at Masjid Negara, until isya'. I felf really happy that night :)

And last night right after the CSI supreme of CSI Miami, CSI Ctrime Scene followed by CSI New York, i landed in my room, surfing internet that i missed quite a while when at kampung. I was happy to see my lovely sister Zeynab was online. Quite a while since the last time we chat together. We talked through some brilliant thought, sharing few problems, and some updates on us. I am truely happy that Allah gave us time to meet.

After logging out and ending the conversation, I went directly to sleep. It was a dream that made me feel wanting to stay,not waking up. Quite awkward but feels like its a reality.

It was him I met(not sure the location or event we're having), me and him positioned to be at the same room. He was already there in the room when I entered. I am quite shocked to see him, surprised, but also happy actually. But I hide the happy feelings i have, not showing how my heart beats fasts. I drew to him, acting normal,sit beside him at around table. He's face looked calm,as like nothing had happened between us. Sometimes putting in a smile that I've missed a lot since the separation. Looked sincere, happy, really like the person I fell in love with. Its him. I just stood still, keeping my mouth shut. And so as he.But sometimes he steal a look on me, and i realised. we didnt say anything until someone knocked the door, asking for me to go out (sort of like meeting someone or an appoinment).

I stood up and walked to the door. But before i got to step out of the room, he called out my name. I was surprised again. Is this true that he's calling my name again? Is it true that he's looking at me right at that moment? I closed the door, but couldnt looked at him. Its the feeling I've missing all this while. Its back knocking the door of my heart.

He came right next to me,

" Please stay. I need you with me. Please dont leave."

Oh Allah what is this dream? What does it means? Or have I been dreaming too much?

Maybe i just missed him and thats all. But maybe there are hikmah that only Allah knew. Subhanallah!

"I thought you'd feel unconfortable having me around. Thats why I'm leaving,"

I said.

"Stay."

His last word I remembered before Mama waked me up for Subuh Prayer.

When I think of it. I am not sure what to say, but Allah knows everything he gave in my life. Every single thing I believed the must be hikmah. But my heart arent hoping. Specifically, -is afraid of hoping. But what i know is that, i must keep on praying for thing i believed in. InshaAllah Allah will protect me along the way.

I am writting this on 21Disember2009,06:13pm. I've caught fever, due to food poisonning(most probably from few events at kampung) or maybe, just the dream. Its hot, and cold, sometimes freezing. Allah knows how I feel until now, which I myself isnt sure of. Nobody, nobody except Allah the AlMighthy knows it all. Sholawat dedicated to Muhammad SAW the prophet of Allah.



Love,
me-

The Tears Of Adam

I'd like to share a forwarded message from a friend and I guess its best if it'd help all of us for once, take a deep breath, think deep on who we are, our main purpose to live on the Earth/ Duniya. I mean, we always think that we have time,to delay..and keep on delaying things rather than changing or hijrah. I mean, from now on try to be responsible to ourself in handling this. Please,..hayati.......


Air Mata Nabi Adam

Tahukah saudara semenjak Nabi Adam terkeluar dari syurga akibat tipu daya iblis, beliau menangis selama 300 tahun. Nabi Adam tidak mengangkat kepalanya ke langit kerana terlampau malu kepada Allah swt.

Beliau sujud di atas gunung selama seratus tahun. Kemudian menangis lagi sehingga air matanya mengalir di jurang Serantip. Dari air mata Nabi Adam itu Allah tumbuhkan pohon kayu manis dan pokok cengkih. Beberapa ekor burung telah meminum air mata beliau. Burung itu berkata, "Sedap sungguh air ini."

Nabi Adam terdengar kata-kata burung tersebut. Beliau menyangka burung itu sengaja mengejeknya kerana perbuatan derhakanya kepada Allah. Ini membuatkan Nabi Adam semakin hebat menangis. Akhirnya Allah telah menyampaikan wahyu
yang bermaksud, "Hai Adam, sesungguhnya aku belum pernah menciptakan air minum yang lebih lazat dan hebat dari air mata taubatmu itu."


Apa Yang Akan Ditanya:

Dalam sehari ada 24 jam. ? Dalam sejam manusia bernafas sebanyak 4320 kali. Dalam setiap kali bernafas Allah akan tanya dua perkara semasa nafas keluar dan masuk. Pertanyaan itu ialah, "Apa perbuatan yang kita lakukan semasa nafas itu keluar dan masuk?

Tiga Cahaya Di Hari Kiamat

Di hari kiamat ada tiga cahaya yang berlainan :
* Cahaya yang pertama seperti bintang-bintang.
* Cahaya yang kedua seperti cahaya bulan.
* Cahaya yang ketiga seperti cahaya matahari.

Apabila ditanya cahaya apakah ini ? Lalu dijawab :
"Cahaya yang pertama ialah cahaya wajah-wajah manusia yang ketika di dunia, mereka akan meninggalkan pekerjaan dan terus bersuci dan mengambil air sembahyang apabila terdengar azan.

Yang kedua ialah cahaya wajah mereka yang mengambil air sembahyang sebelum azan.

Cahaya yang ketiga ialah cahaya mereka seperti matahari. Mereka di dunia sudah bersiap sedia di dalam masjid sebelum azan lagi."


Kala Jengking Neraka

Di hari kiamat akan keluar seekor binatang dari neraka jahanam yang bernama "Huraisy" berasal dari anak kala jengking. Besarnya Huraisy ini dari timur hingga ke barat. Panjangnya pula seperti jarak langit dan bumi.

Malaikat Jibril bertanya : "Hai Huraisy! Engkau hendak ke mana dan siapa yang kau cari?
"Huraisy pun menjawab, "Aku mahu mencari limaorang. Pertama, orang yang meninggalkan sembahyang. Kedua, orang yang tidak mahu keluarkan zakat. Ketiga, orang yang derhaka kepada ibubapanya. Keempat, orang yang bercakap tentang dunia di dalam masjid. Kelima, orang yang suka minum arak."


Subhanallah.May Allah leads us well, show us the path we should. When i think of it, duniya is really challenging, to handle both duniyawi and ukhrawi in a balance state. However, pray to be close to Allah, as our remembrance shall bring Allah to us. Nothing is more stronger that the power of the Hayyl- Qayyuum. He is the one who stand by its own, and we, who live under His protection shall always put Him first in every second. May our breath was counted with dzikir and solawat, with the thought of Allah SWT and Rasulullan SAW. InshaAllah under His Rahmah, we shall live well and be blessed inshaAllah.

With Love,
Me-

......

bugoshhipta..huhu :'(

The day I'm afraid of

It was the day i went to pc fair with najib, a senior of mine, Its quite a long time looking and searching for stuffs we'd like to buy. Going back and forth and keep on rewinding to the previous hall.Alast, i ended up buying only a 4GB pendrive and he leave with a stylish headphone with him.

After that, he treated me BurgerKing and i have a set of mine, packed up neatly. But seems like the date was just until there since i have to depart to my client consultant meeting at Bandar Utama. The meeting too was absolutely unpredictably long and dry. *Sigh* However i get to learn a lot of things there, with the clients, engineer and contractor.

I drove back home, as i see a guy, about my age, sitting beside my dad at the couch.
"Assalamualaikum",delivering salaam and kissing dad's hand.
There goes mama, looking at me so brightly and happily as like i havent meet her for years. Her eyes were shiny, unlike other days. Her smile was big, showing some hope from it. I was caught in the weird situation. There must be something wrong here which i dont know.

I went to the kitchen and told mama my whole day story, the date, the meeting and all. Its quite tiring, but somehow i enjoyed everything today.Quite a long Sunday i guess.
But mama's face hasnt change, her delightful look makes me feel even more curious. What's on?
But i just ignored since she has been hiding about it. Guess she'll tell when its time.

I went upstairs and done my maghrib prayer, and later surving the internet and plucking the guitar with some songs.
Mama went into the room and said, "Its better for me to helped her at the kitchen. Its no good for him to see that i'm not helping". And again the 'looks' and expressions just comes back.
Am surprised! ??
Who is she talking about?
Who's the him?
There she grinned, leaving me with question marks on my head.
I went down helping mama at the kitchen. Preparing some cooking materials for dinner.
"He's intelligent. Smart as well. Once an IT students. Now studying Forex. He learnt many language,too.. I guess his's a brilliant boy."

And there it goes...My curiosity was answered.
I was....stucked there too. Why is she saying that? But her face was full with hope. I can sense it. Giving me hint all over, wasnt the way she is. Plus, promoting and talking about some guys too, wasnt her pleasure. But why today, was she like that?
I just ignored her. Maybe she she's just correct, but we'll see.
There we had dinner, all four of us. Dad, Mama, Jabar(the guy's name) and me.
Okay honestly it's quite odd. Eating with a complete stranger but i have nothing negative towards him. Just looking for the things mama pointed out to me. Just an image i'm trying to find in the simply dressed guy.
We talked. About language. About Information Technology(IT). About making dreams reality. About understanding knowledge. About Islam. And many things that prove mama's words on him.
A quite talented person, quite open-minded, has deep thgought and critical thinking, matured as well.
We talked a lot at dinner. Until realized time has passed, and we waved goodbye. What a wonderful person he is. Guess mama think the same too..But, he's just another unique person i met this life.

Dear love, what should i do looking at this. What should i do in this situation i'm facing. I see only a thick high wall that i seem cant jump high through. I'm still stuck here. Having you in mind. i cant even open up to anyone yet. I...am trying hard to let go but,the legs are tied. And my heart, too.

Cry by Kelly Clarkson

If anyone asks,

I'll tell them we both just moved on,

When people all stare,

I'll pretend that I dont hear them talk,

Whenever I see you,

I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue,

Pretend I'm okay with it all, Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet

Can i open my eyes

Is this as hard as it gets

Is this what it feels like to really

cry

Cry

If anyone asks I'll tell them we just grew apart

Yeah what do i care if they do believe me or not

Whenever I feel your memory is breaking my heart

I'll pretend I'm okay with it all

Act like there's nothing wrong

Is it over yet

Can I open my eyes

Is this as hard as it gets

Is this what it feels like to really

cry

Cry

I'm talking in circles

I'm lying they know it

Why dont this just all go away

Is it over yet

Can I open my eyes

Is this hard as it gets

Is this what it feels like to really

cry

Cry

For now and forever I can only pray, May Allah be with me, guide me on what's the best to be done. Allah knows best surely, more than we know or even think of it. Is it really wrong to love you? Is loving you really a mistake? Its painful but..i know and believe that Allah is here with me. Its raining , but ALlah knows when's the next spring and summer. Its gloomy, but Allah knows when shall light can meets the rain... : Searching Rainbow::

With love,
me-

Its plain but its okay.

I keep trying to copy this song lyric from many websites but am not sure why is it soo hard to paste it in here. However i just simply type it letter by letter then...

AGAINST THE ODDS

How can i just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When i stand here taking
Every breath with you
You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me
When i can do is watch you leave
'Cause we've share the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
'Cause its just an empty space
And there's nothing here to remind me
Just te memory of you're face

So take a look at me now
'Cause its just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds
And that's what i got to face

I wish i could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There;s so much i need to say to you
So many reason's why
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
And there's nothing here to remind me
Just the memory of your face

Take a look at me now....


I just came back from kampung at Johor, where half an hour before i left, i get to talk to atok,my beloved grandmother. Subhanallah..when i looked at her i just feel and hope that i could be strong like her. I guess she understands me too,on what i've undergone these few months from the way she asking me this and that.Maybe we're connected somewhere heart to heart Allah created us that way.Salam eiduladha to everyone.

Hoping the person i loved out there will always be under Allah's love and care. Please shower us with the brightness of your nur,your strength and protection. We, afterall are just as weak as we're needing you Subhanallah. I owe you much Allah that even my life couldnt pay to you. For you, i dedicate my life. May peace be with all of you.May Allah leads our way inshaALlah. Fi amanillah.


With love,
me

The Letter : Sorry if it hurts...because it hurts me too much to even say it out...

I watched tv and i came accross a movie titled Breaking Through. Its about a single parent led by a mother in her late 4oth, having two kids as she started to involved in drug addiction after her husband died. She never realises how meaningful life is, until one day her sons deciced to leave home. So she begged to the sons to stay, to be with her, to support her, until she get to break through the addiction. Its sad to see how hard it is, the mother crying and begging from the inside the room, saying that she gave up, craving for drugs. The children as young as 5years old and 1oyears old(i guessed) were tough, pursuing the plans they prepared to get the mother healed from drugs. Alast, she did encounter the situation with the support and effort of the mother and sons.

I was writting this note on 26th October 2009, 12;17am in the morning.
Thinking of the situation I'm having. The same thing that the mother and sons have been trying hard to do. BREAKING THROUGH.

Loving a person, without even having any thoughts of hurting them at all, trying hard not to let go, giving chance as for every single lie they throw, will be the very hard thing to break through. Until today, i live an emptiness in me. A sadness. A sorrow. A cut or wound that has never been healed since the day it bleeds. If you ask, i would even know how...to smoothen the cut, how to even get back the smile i used to have. It was swallon in me. It was never there, until now.

I was there, staying, keep on praying, as i get to know from his beloved sister on how he treated his brothers rudely and with disrespect. Since that day on, THIS LOVE TURNS PALE. I dont know him anymore. And i guess my love was at the end of the limit. Love turns into frustration.

However, I would not want his family to be burdened because of me. I wouldn't want his brothers to be disrespected because of me. I would want his sisters who loved him much to be avoided from him. I dont want him to loose his family because of me. I'd rather go if its me he's been ellergic of. I'd rather go if he need space in his life. I'll sacrifice for the love of this family. Brothers and sisters of AlHasyimi please stay together under the Nur of Allah.

To hurt him is the very last thing i would do. Because i loved him in the past, and am afraid, until now remaining. I wouldnt want to see this family became apart and shattered because of my existance. He'll be needing them for the rest of his life, to light up his way through the journey of life. While I..I'll just have to leave if thats what he wants.

Breaking through the love you have been living with for more than a year is truely hard, even if it doesnt reaches 1 year, the duration of time wasnt matter. I have been having this so-called syndrom, that everytime i wishes so hard to leave as he wishes, the drug effect again strucks me. Its always a week of every months when my period cycles came around, he'll struck back into my memories and tears will shed. Its almost a month since i'm trying to leave, but saying goodbye to the family i loved, and loved me much would be the hardest thing to do. Its a very beautiful family i'm having there, but I couldnt be selfish. He needs them more than i do.




4th November 2009, 01:42am



Its me again writting.. a very lonely night i'm having. Past few days, i felt really broken hearted. It was my laptop which suddenly turn down and everything i have is gone. The picture of kak aisyah, the recorded YM archive of the conversation we used to have, is gone. The feelings are just like the day he left me. Felt lost, and missing. The only memory i have is what i can recall from my mind, and i know,the folders are no longer there,its no more. Finished. But i can still imagine.

It was the second heartbreak i had in the same week, it was that i discovered my closest friend(which is also one of the person i used to love before), abg Adam Abu Bakar, was in a relationship now. I know, and am happy for him.However at the same time, i felt loosing someone i'm really close to. I know from that moment on i have to keep a distance between us so that my existance wouldnt effect their relationship. And again, a very close friend, Aliff Aiman, is also about getting into a relationship with his collegue. Maybe that we're close, i know its better to give a gap, so that the gurl wouldnt feel jelous or threathened. Plus, I'm not a person who likes to create havoc in others relationship. They're my closest friends, and i mean nothing but praying them happiness.



Its just the emptiness that keeps bothering me, as i tend to be around friends, and make myself busy in order to forget the pain i have inside. And now that Aliff Aiman is no longer there for me, abg adam with his new direction, new zero-memory laptop, it is a silent i heard. SILENT.



And the silent comes again, as i woke up, pretending to be happy as i'm actually feels sad and lonely. The only best friend i really love, the person who's heart i know i felt connected to, Kak Aisyah, i woke up last night, having trouble to sleep, i sat a place, facing at the direction to Qiblah, praying to Allah," Oh Allah, please do send my regards to kak aisyah in the most beautiful dream you can ever give. I know i'm far,but doesnt mean i dont love,care or she's unheard. Let her know that my love for her will always be there, my prayers for her and her family too shall never end".



Sharifah Aisyah,

I heard you, even if i keep quiet.so keep writing.

I felt you, even if we're apart. so ur not alone.

I'm connected to you, even its unheard. I'm speaking from hearts to hearts.

I loved you, even if its hidden. My prayers for you shall not die.

I missed you, even after this decision made, sister.



However, I wouldnt want either you or abg jaafar or shimi to be hurt or disrespect because of me. My existence. I think qayyum may need his own space within this family. Without me in mind. If that's the only way to have him back in this AlHasyimi family, i'd rather leave for his good.



Whatever happens, or the path i choose, i just want to let you know, i loved every single one of you, will always pray for you, your happiness, kak aisyah...do take care, ur health,please do remember me always, pray for my happiness duniya akhirah, abg jaafar too, take care, drink a lot of water, do ur best as a big alhasyimi brother, u have a really big responsibility but i want you to know, i'm always behind you supporting. Shafeeqa, kak will never forget you dear, you are the one who gets to witness the love me n qayyum have before, thanks for your prayer adikku, and dont forget to keep on praying for kak's happiness. Syimi, kak wishes you all the best, be a good responsible man, help abg jaafar with his mission towards Islam and carry this brotherhood of AlHasyimi, it wasnt something you should play around, its your responsibility my little brother. To Kak Jah, even we havent been taking much, I can feel you, a sweet and aimful sister of kak aisyah, carry out the mission of Islam well, I'll be supporting you and ur family with this. Umi, I'm praying she'll be well guided by Allah, praying to be given health and wealth to undergo the hardness of life in peace and love, with the blessing of arwah abah. May arwah abah live in peace, as he sees his sons carries out his missions of life full-heartedly, carring the name of the respectful AlHasyimi. I'm blessed i feel connected with this family, i came accross, i met half a journey of my life. with duniya akhirah. My prayer for all of you shall not die, the same as my love for all.

Lastly to syed muhammad Qayyum AlHasyimi, i pray for you, "..Siratollazhi na 'anam ta 'alaihim, ghairil maghdhu bi 'alaihim, walawddho'lliin.." (tunjukkilah aku jalan yg lurus, yg Kamu redhai, dan bukan jalan bg org2 yg Kamu benci dan murka). May Allah's Nur and guidance be with you and protect you duniya akhirah. One day we shall meet, i hope its a miraclous nicest blessed meeting from Allah. Allahumma Ameen. Glad.....that i met you in this world, LOVE.

And, sorry if my existance has creates problems and chaos to this family. I never thought things would change this way. I just want no one to get hurt. Forgive me for all my wrongdoing ya. :)

" If i run far away,... would you even run faster to reach out my hand. But i only see me running...........that you leave yourself far behind. DISTANCE."


Assalamualaikum wr wb.
Fi Amanilah.
NabilahOthman.

convocation

Today is my big day. I wish.I do wish....nothing.

First Working Day..how is it going to be?

Tommorow is going to be my first day working since last studying. I get really nervous as i was not interviewed but said to be accepted by the recommendation from my lecturers from the university. MashaAllah.. their trust made me nervous that i'm afraid i couldnt achieve their standard or expectation.

Oh Allah i seek peace and calm in myself. And hope blessing from u to give me the best working environment and workmates. I hope your easiness for them to accept me and let me learn by time.

Alhamdulillah i am truely so thankful that u are too kind to grant me rezki and jobs that i applied for very soon and that is really unexpected. thank you Allah. Thank you Allah....

How much i deeply see, that ALlah is loving me. I hope i could give more than what He Allah ever granted. Subhanallah. May Allah be with me.

Love,
me-

:)

soon as u grow up...u'll know how much i love u.

Love,
me-

Sakinah please come...

Lately, i have been in a intermediate mood, being too talkative, and sometimes too reserved,quiet. As people around me doesnt seem to understand who i really am, a very sensitive person towards a certain thing to life. What i need is just respect and understanding. Everyone has their own weaknesses, that they cant get to change(due to scientific reason and not a purposed habit).

I love peace. I love calm. I love politeness n manners. Cant they understand? that i hated war and quarrels. I do not like to talk in a rude manner. I do not like to speak in a very high tone. I dislike to feel unhappy with people around me. I dislike arguements and makes myself looks rude. So i need everyone to just accept me for who i am. I'm just a straight forward person, i dont talk much at others weaknesses but try to accept them totally for who they are. I am easy to forgive. So please, I need some peace in mind.


I need people to respect me the way i respected them.
I need people to try to understand me the way i try my best to understand them.
I need to be loved the way i loved them.
I need to be trusted the way i trusted them.
I need people to accept me the way i accepted every single one of them
I mean it....that

I LOVE PEACE (sakinah)

...because i know, Sakinah ( my third name is there)

So please dont break my heart by pointing towards me and make me mad.
Anything that disgrace me, is something that disrespect me.
Anything that makes me sad, is something that really tears me apart

Cant take it especialy if it came from the very own family. T-T

Please do understand.


Love,
me-

The Climb.

I just read someone posted, "If the miracles are about to happen between us again, then i am not going to let it go again." Oh Allah! it makes me shed into tears. How i longed to feel this way. I've been saving much into myself. I've been too resevered these days.

Browsing through the picture i have, found one of him and me together during archifest after my violin performance last year's archifest. I see the face. I see the smile. I see the face and strength to come even how far the distance seperates us.

I am just thinking, and believing, that the smile i see isn't fake. The face i see is true. And so the heart that came there, with one purpose, to meet me, to spend time together. I know he's sincere, he's pure. I can feel it.

BUT....

was it that easy to forget? is it that easy to deny?or is it just me who feels that its real and alive?or was it just me who still think that it's always true.was it me who gets cheated easily. HOW CAN A WARMTH BEGINNING END SO COLD..... T-T

I missed.truely missed. where's the junction that we went wrong...and please Allah i pray to you to give us another chance to make it right. Not to worry. Dont get me wrong.I have no regret but i thank god with this distance You are giving us Allah. I'm getting stronger since that day we went apart. Its just that i missed the other part of me left with him. Some portion of the heart is still out there,unreachable, deactivated. Oh Allah, i pray please protect the other part of me. I loved him so much that i need him to be safe duniya akhirah. I'm unappropraite for him now but i know you Allah is always there to guide him. I feel safe as long as you are there, with him guiding, Please Allah choose him among the person you blessed. And please give the best for me. I know we did too many wrongs, but Allah please forgive us...we really need your blessing for a better beginning and hope.

The Climb By Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin'
But I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
I've just gotta keep goin', and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, but

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on movin'
Keep climbin'
Keep faith baby
It's all about, it's all about
The climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, woah

I have to be strong. I have to keep reminding my self as i'm prone to easily forget. I have to keep on praying.And keep faith high. Allah is watching. Allah is hearing. Allah is always there dear. May peace be with you. InshaAllah. Ameen. T-T

Love,
me-

Light Our Way...

i've been discussing with a friend when he posted a phrase :

Jika mereka berpaling (dari keimanan), maka katakanlah: "Cukuplah Allah bagiku; tidak ada Tuhan selain Dia. Hanya kepada-Nya aku bertawakal dan Dia adalah Tuhan yang memiliki Arasy yang agung" ayat akhir at-taubah..129.. fa'in tawalla...u faqul hasbiAllahu laaillahillahu.. alaihitawakaltu..wahuarabbul arshil adzim...

so i asked,(eventhough i might now the answer)...:
rasa org yg berpaling ni if kita doa utk dia ALlah makbulkan tak? i mean kite doakan moga ALlah tunjuki dia jln yg benar dan pulang kpd keadaan asal?

1st Answer:
Tak ada manusia yang lebih baik dari manusia yang lain.
Cuma ada manusia yang silap. Dan manusia yang sedar diri hanya Hamba Allah SWT. Semua boleh bertukar dgn hendakNya.
Kita, berusaha. InsyaAllah.

2nd Answer:
“Ad pn doa seorg Muslim bi sdaranya yg x hdir adlh mustjab. Di sisi kplanya ad malaikat yg dwkilkan.tiap kali dia mndoakn kbaikn bg sdaranya itu, malaikat yg dwkilkan itu pula brkta: “Amin, dan bgimu seumpma apa yg kau doakn itu. -hadis rwyat muslim

3rd Answer:
islam menganjurkan supaya umatnya saling doa mendoakan antara satu sama lain..
“Dan orang-orang (Islam) yang datang kemudian daripada mereka (berdoa dengan) berkata: “Wahai Tuhan kami! Ampunkanlah dosa kami dan dosa saudara-saudara kami yang mendahului kami dalam iman.al-Hasyr: ayat 10

Subhanallah! Peace and hapiness to those who tries to find love within u Ar-Raheem. Please do accept our duas ALlah thus we only have duas n prayers as weapons. Allah is sufficient enough for us. Allah is strong enough for us. Allah is enough for us. Protect our friends among who loves to be with you Allah.Light their way always with nur hidayaah,so they, inshaALlah could be the example among us,the muslims. InshaAllah.ameen.


PS: Oh Allah please show him the correct path,choose him to be among the person u protect and love.Ameen.

Love,
me-

Heart Of A Muslim by Zain Bikha ^-^

HEART OF A MUSLIM by Zain Bikha ^-^

Looking up at the sky,
searching for Allah most High
He rejected the way of worshipping Gods of clay
Prophet Ebrahim knew that Allah was near
And that the heart of a Muslim is sincere

Under the hot burning sun, he declared God is one
Though with stones on his chest,
his Imaan would not rest
The Muadhin knew that right would conquer wrong
And the heart of a Muslim must be strong

Chorus:
It’s the heart of a Muslim through
the guidance of Islam
That makes you fair and kind and
helpful to your fellow man
So living as a Muslim means that
you must play a part
Allah looks not at how you look
but what is in your heart

In our poor meager state, little food on our plate
Mother said she was glad
always sharing what we had
When I asked how can we share what’s not enough
She said the heart of a Muslim’s filled with love

He said its time you should know
you will learn as you grow
That some people around will do what’s bad to bring you down
Father said to be a star that’s shining bright
For the heart of a Muslim does what’s right

So whatever you, make sure your words are true
Honesty is the best, because life is a test
Even if it hurts so much you want to cry
For the heart of a Muslim does not lie

Song In My Head..

Yesterday a friend of mine posted a phrase at his facebook status.
"Oh I don't believe it, That I could be so deceiving, And bringing you down to feel this lack of loyalty...You were a song in my head,.."

The title is Song In My Head by Sherwood

Oh I don't believe it,
That I could be so deceiving
And bringing you down to feel this lack of loyalty.

You were a song in my head,
The warmth of the sheets in my bed.
A story forever told, but never old,
A warm arrival never left so cold.

Don't blink, don't close your eyes,
But most of all don't apologize.
It's me who's got the demons to wrestle now.

Oh I don't believe it,
That I could be so deceiving
And bringing you down to feel this lack of loyalty.

'Cause you were a song in my head,
The warmth of the sheets in my bed.
A story forever told, but never old,
A warm arrival never left so cold.

Don't blink, don't close your eyes,
But most of all don't apologize.
It's me who's got the demons to wrestle now.

There's a patch of blue in the stormy sky,
A memory of a brighter time.
When everything was new, and less watered down,
Before the summer turned to brown.

Don't say you can't believe it now,
That you're almost settled down,
'Cause you'll be right here,
When I come back around.

Don't blink, don't close your eyes,
But most of all don't apologize.
It's me who's got the demons to wrestle now.

There's a patch of blue in the stormy sky,
A memory of a brighter time,
When everything was new, and less watered down,
Before the summer turned to brown.

Before the summer turned to brown
(Don't blink, don't close your eyes)
Before the summer turned to brown
(Don't blink, don't close your eyes)
Before the summer turned to brown
(Don't blink, don't close your eyes)

The phrase captured me as i thought, will the person i'm waiting for will come back and say so? It is really meaningful as in,the guy is declaring her existance, by saying she's was the song in his head after everything he ruined. Actually it doesnt matter how ruined the situation is, but how we try to make it better after the storm.
Don't say you can't believe it now,
That you're almost settled down,
'Cause you'll be right here,
When I come back around.



I'm thinking, how fast is it to forget someone? How can certain people could just forget within a few days while i took more than 8 months to try to forget but it doesnt still seem to work. Oh Allah, may patience be with me!

This song really reminds me to him. I just hope its he the one who dedicate this song to me after what happened.
There's a patch of blue in the stormy sky,
A memory of a brighter time.

I hope he could see how we could try to make things better instead of letting it just die with cruel ending.
A warm arrival never left so cold. remember?

Its time for him to wrestle the demon..that he kept on mentioning about the 'mask'. Its his path to choose by himself,without any other factors influencing him. The task should only between him and Allah the most Trustful.

Ramadhan kareem. The most lovable months. The months for duas and prayers and hopes.
Do miracle really exist and if so i'd like to see it and feel it. A miracle i've been waiting and wanting. Only Allah knows what's inside the heart..
'Katakanlah," Jika kamu menyembunyikan apa yg ada dlm hatimu atau kamu melahirkannya, pasti Allah mengetahui". Allah mengetahui apa-apa yg ada di langit dan apa-apa yg ada di bumi. dan Allah Maha Kuasa atas setiap sesuatu. (Ali 'Imran ; 29)

With Love and Duas,
me

Protect Him Dear Allah !!

It has been a while since i haven't drop by into this blog. Since my heart felt the emptiness of the ambiance. Since what has been gone felt dryer and evaporated.But these few days Allah has been raising my memory to him, the person i love, i used to love and ...

I've been avoiding to think about him for these few weeks,but i guess Allah still needing me by his side. As i found my self not thinking about him, trying to find peace within me, the memories of him appear back to me these few days. How much he change, how i see him loosing himself make me sad. Because i once has seen the most beautiful part of him, and now he appears to be totally different. Disloyal.Irresponsible for his words and action.He's not displaying himself and the name he's carrying.

Oh Allah! I pray for you, to forgive his sins and mistakes, show him the correct path to your kindness and love,under your protection towards the challenging duniya. I pledge tu you dear Allah, to teach him Islam.To give him the Nur Kasih.In anyway that may seem impossible to be as said, "Qun fayaQuun". I believe in you dear Allah, the most Powerful, Loving, Kind and Protector, to put Syed Muhammad Qayyum Alhasyimi and his family under your protection, with the blessing and support of Prophet Muhammad SAW as the great granfather, the most wiseful example for human being. Allah, i dont see any other miracle except you who granted it, who can help him improve himself. Ameen Ya Rabbal 'Alameen.

How many hatred has gone and disappear,only love kept me living until now. How i appear to love a person, is not only love in the duniya,which almost everyone couldnot understand why should i stand still, being patience, keep praying for the person who have done bad to me. The love of the Ar-Rahman and Ar-Rahim teaches me to be patience, strong, sincere of loving a person.
Even Muhammad SAW shows a very great example when he treated a Musyrikeen, who throws rocks and injured the prophet, by replying with duas and visited her when she falls sick. Subhanallah! This great man should be place under Allah's kindness.Always. InshaALlah.

Allah knows sincerity,and how to replace it with hikmah. Sadness that grows within me,looking at him falling. I am more likely to feel pity than happy. If only i could help...and i may need an approval to do so. Last time, when we're together, i dont have the 'haq' to be the strongest influence to him. Limits dont allow me to help much.But i know if there's a recogition exist, inshaAllah i can help to guide him to be a better person. Its just that HE'S LOOSING HIMSELF AND I HOPE ALLAH WILL HELP TO LEADS HIM TO THE CORRECT PATH.InshaAllah.Ameen.Fi amanillah Syed Muhammad Qayyum Alhasyimi.


With Love,
Me-

A little bite at the heart of mine...Subhanallah =)

I'm changing and i hope the world do understand...

Yesterday things turn out to be really meaningful. As i thought i was lost, walking around klcc without my handphone to call the person i'm reaching for.i only remembered 2 numbers.

0174355143 Syed Muhammad Qayyum Alhasyimi's number
0126490059 Ikhram Nashikin's number

The similar thing in both related to me is, i once loved them for their beliefs in Islam. I really see the beauty of Islam in them.
I dailed to both them and miracle comes when Allah gives me the chance to hear them within a day.Alhamdulillah..

I reached Qayyum Alhasyimi for help, to get to the person i've searching, laezha, also one of my junior in school. However it ended just there when the person i've been searching are unreachable.So i decided to go straight to where i planned to go. Petroscience.

There, i met ikhram. The first person in my life to show- a quality of a true love. Islam.
Once, i proposed to him and tell how much i like him. But he rejected, saying that...

"........as long as i dont love Allah enough, i just cant love anyone........."

I still remember the phrase of rejection, because its the most beautiful phrase that has been use to reject me. And i respect that. His sincerity and deep thought makes me realised how he's actually a matured person.

It's odd to feel when, after many guys i use to fall for, but only the remaining two are still been kept in this heart. And only Allah knows the hikmah. So there, i accompany ikhram throught out his working time yesterday and i enjoyed it. Its been time since we last met.about 2years not meeting each other i just missed everything! and many has i forgotten...

After finishing job, we went out for chat. I can feel that he can read me..how much i changed, how many i've forgotten, how much i dont remember his words.

He once said to me:
"Assalamualaikum.Awk blaja elok2 yea.Jd peremuan yg solehah, jgn ikut hati tanpa berlandaskn syariah.Solat jgn tinggal yea.Solat tu pelihara iman kita..."
1-jan-2007 : 22:55:48

And again he repeated :
"..Assalamualaikum.Awk sihat?Arap sihat sejahtera bersama org yg istimewa.Maafla..Maaf ganggu.Solat jgn tinggal taw..Wassalam."
29-mei-2007 : 02:08:33


He left me with only these few valuable words. It was passed 2years since then. I still have it in my hp inbox until now. Because i believe i may need his words forever. And again, what happen yesterday really made me realised. I missed ikhram! The way he leads me to the correct path. Keep on asking me to be in Allah's line. The way he corrects me when i'm wrong. I falled for him because of the Islam in him. I falled for him because of his leadership in leading people the right way he should. Subhanallah...may Allah protect this person. Always.

I dont remember much of what we have been talking throughout the 1.5hours. But i can quote a few...
He said...[quoting some with Qurans surah and lines]

1.We cant change people, but the power of Allah words,Quran, do. I said yes.

2.And why would we change people when we're not good enough? we ourself has done too many sins, and who are we to change people? Subhanallah...its too correct.

3.Einstien said that, human are creatures that dies at 25years old, but being burried only at the age 60th. MashaAllah made me realised, only the physical lived and we're blunted that the spirit has dies...we are no more. FINISH.We have no impian that makes us live. We dont breathe...the world of akhirah.

4. The musician plays music instruments, but the ahli kitab plays their kitab...?I answered yes.
And he question, if so...why there's still beer factory along the federal highway?Why does this happen? Where are the person who actually has to take his role?
I answered, we dont have power...to protect our belief and do so.
He asked again..why does it happens so? Because we're to afraid to tell and said what stated in the Quran. Afraid to stand strong for our belief. We're too afraid that duniya cant accept us when we are proposing better life for akhirah! mashaAllah..

5.Whats the first wahyu?mashaAllah...i failed to answer nor recall.

6.When is nuzul Quran? again i dont even know the date.because i only celebrate when people celebrate. I'm a follower...mashaAllah!how bad i am..
He stopped saying, he dont want to talk more because i know nothing!
He said, i have too many excuses. I know too little about Islam when i can score well in architecture..??
I was totally embarrased!Embarased enough to even look at him.
NOTHING made me realised how much i dont know!Please forgive me Allah..I've been wasting too much time for duniya.

7. At what age Allah gave Muhammad the first wahyu? i answered 40+ when its only at the age 40.*Embarrased*again.

8.How many years do the Quran has been distibuted to Muhammad? I forgot.It was 23 years.
Ikhram's voice turns lighter and softer and that makes me felt calmer even if i answered wrong.

9. So how many time has Muhammad SAW khattam his Quran? Only once. at the age 63.
[recalls me when ikhram asked, and we nowadays, how many times do we get to khattam Quran?MORE THAN ONCE]Subhanallah...realised how much i've ignored.... T-T How much my time could be caterred to khattam Quran many times indeed.

10. How many do i pay zakat for a year? Guess i dont even know to answer.I said my dad has been paying for it so i dont know.[truely embarassing situation to even look at his eyes]

11.How many Malaysian and how many are Islam? I dont know!!
He answered there are 24million malaysian and only 15million are islam.
He continued...if we only pay rm0.50 per week,every months we paid rm2.00,for every twelve months...isnt it enough to help the miskeen ?the needed ones?I said yes.
and he asked me back...Than how is it that when you take a ride on the train,from the first station until the last, you could still see the poor and needed once sitting and laying abandoned along the streets?Where did the money goes? flung unknown..people misused their power!

12. WHo are the one who leads in the history? Muhammad SAW the wakeel of Allah SWT
And who leads today?Wakil Rakyat.
But how does the history of muhammad creates a better man in the generation and the gerenation nowadays are spoilt?i erm...because of islam are not being applied totally.100%
Why is nowaday not effective enough that can make Islam wins?Because Rasulullah SAW,The wakeel of Allah speaks only the words from Allah, but the wakil Rakyat speaks the words of too many people.No wonder the world now are not peace and mislead!! MashaAllah...so true!

13. Everyday we have how many hours?24hours.
How many time do we gave for our prayer? 5 minutes for praying+5minutes for wirid=10minute
24hours/3=8 hours for sleeping, 8 hours for working,and did the balance of 8hours go??
I started to think...it has been missing when i has take it forgranted.MashaAllah...how much time has been wasted.

14.Do you think islam nowadays win? I'm quiet,thinking deeply.I dont think so.
Do you know what makes the Turkey Uthmaniyyah,the 3rd generation of Islam, a very strong and powerful era that makes the the leader of 3/4 countries of the world? I said i dont know.
He answered, it was the guide they have been using so strictly. The Quran as guidance.
So again he repeats...Do you think islam nowadays win? No.
Why?because we have mislead what Islam has thought us.We think we know Islam. We think we love islam, we say we are Islam but we never practise it in our daily life.



Subhanallah...made me realised.How i've been too far from my main purpose of life. I've forgotten a lot that Alhamdulillah through Ikhram Nasyikin, Allah has made me realised how i've lost my senses. I use to be granted by Allah to have the sensitivity and love towards Islam but i have forgotten the most precious thing in my life as i met many arrogant people in this journey of life. They made me believe too much of duniya and got frustrated and lost.They have taken too much of my energy that makes me weak..

What have i been searching for in life..??
is it beauty that will never last long and leave when we return to earth?
is it a perfect partner that couldn't promise me happiness in the akhirah?
is it health that when time comes we'll die?
is it power that we might loose at any time?
is it happiness that is temporarily reachable?
is it love that wasn't blessed by Allah?
is it friendship that is only referable when help needed?
is it time that we'll never feel enough of having?


Dear friend,We have been busy preparing for duniya, when akhirat promises us a better place but we have taken it for granted.
We said we want a happy life but our body and soul doesnt connect to each other.
Think back on how much has we presented our life to Allah.Think deeply and we shall find answer to our purpose of life. InshaAllah..

A little bite at the heart of mine...Subhanallah =)
THE PAIN IS BEAUTIFUL..

Love,
Me-

::Ya Allah Ya Rabb ::

I would like to state feelings that i had,i just want to share what i feel is right.But seems like thousand of words, sometimes are unheard,sometime aren't well appreciated, However know that someone really hears you out there. ALLAH the ALMIGHTY.


He hears what's hidden, which havent exist,
He knows what's been in our mind before we really think of it,
He knows what happens next when we are calculating and planning our fate

Allahuakbar! Subhanallah~

THAT EVERYTIME I FELT SAD, I KNOW ALLAH IS HEARING.I felt safe.
I know whats stated now is the best for me. It might be painful, but Allah knows every single beat taken place.
I just wish i could be an optimistic person, looking at life. In every single events that took place, whether its a beautiful happy story, or bad ending story, or never ending sadness,...i just wish that i could see it optimistically beautiful,without questioning why this and why that. ALlah knows.

THAT EVERYTIME I LOOSE MY GRIP, I KNOW ALLAH IS LOOKING.I felt safe.
Loneliness is really what every human afraid of. Nothing less, people just cant live without another. Even Prophet Adam AS are destinied till the end to be with Hawa, the girl fated for her,by Allah. I may be paralized, i may be breathless, i may look weak...i missed his existance.

And if only he knows how much this heart breaks.
If only he hears the tears that drops
If only he counts how many times i whispered his name on my lips,praying

Only Allah knows, looking at this pitty girl waiting for her love to come back.
Everytime i felt so weak, i hope i could see the nicest part of the worst, gain back my energy and stand stronger raising my belief.

I LOVE TALKING TO MYSELF.It reminds me of who i am.

I like to remind myself of who i am really, what i'm aiming in this life, who i love, my weakness and strength. Because everytime i speak, i know i could hear it.My mind digest it. My faults I realised it.Its more deeper than just talking nothing. Nothing wrong of contemplating, and think deep.
Maybe sometimes i felt sad, because i...
Hope that the person i love
Will be a best friend of mine...
Hearing the voice of my heart more than anyone else do....
Look at my heart beautifully more than anyone else do....
Taking me importantly more than anyone else do....
Thinking of me deeper than anyone else do. ....
Concentrate to me when everyone else isnt....

Its a real hope of this heart. And i once met him, just before he left, choosing to change his mask. I see nothing but sadness and frust.[keep on praying for him to get Hidayah from ALlah-may Allah leads his path..ameen]

Well, alast, i realised.Afterall, the only love i have eternally is meant for ALLAH SWT.
He's the one who acompany me the year before yesterday, even before i know the word..'duniya'.
He's the first friend i met when i born in this world
He's the friend in sadness and madness of this threathening, tough world
He's the friend indeed to supply me love, health and wealth
He guided me to lead a better life
He teaches me to be strong when i fall deeper into crisis and storm.
And in barzakh he's still with me accompanying
Until Akhirah,the future is still him..Dear Allah!

I just hope my Love for you dear God is the greatest,honoured than anything else.
I prayed my love for you could leave me breathing, surviving
I wants my love for you dear Allah is the purest(nothing more)
I hoped my love for you dear God save me duniya akhirah.
I hoped my love for you coud made me an optimistic person,looking at life and its challenges.

May Allah leads my way. I need nothing more but you, my Lord, my friend, my God. Allah Ya Rabb.

Who are they?

Siapakah orang yang sombong?

Orang yang sombong adalah orang yang di beri penghidupan tapi tidak mahu sujud pada yang menjadikan kehidupan itu iaitu Allah Rabbul Alaamin, Tuhan sekelian alam. Maka bertasbihlah segala apa yang ada di bumi dan langit pada TuhanNya kecuali jin dan manusia yang sombong diri.


Siapakah orang yang telah mati hatinya?

Orang yang telah mati hatinya adalah orang yang diberi petunjuk melalui ayat-ayat Qur'an, Hadith dan cerita2 kebaikan namun merasa tidak ada apa2 kesan di dalam jiwa untuk bertaubat.


Siapakah orang dunggu kepala otaknya?

Orang yang dunggu kepala otaknya adalah orang yang tidak mahu lakukan ibadat tapi menyangka bahawa Tuhan tidak akan menyiksanya! dengan kelalaiannya itu dan sering merasa tenang dengan kemaksiatannya.


Siapakah orang yang kuat?

Orang yang kuat adalah orang yang dapat menahan kemarahannya ketika ia didalam kemarahan.


Siapakah orang yang lemah?

Orang yang lemah adalah orang yang melihat akan kemaksiatan di depan matanya tidak sedikit pun ada kebencian di dalam hatinya akan kemungkaran itu.


Siapakah orang yang bakhil?

Orang yang bakhil lagi kedekut adalah orang yang berat lidahnya untuk membaca selawat keatas junjungan Rasulullah s.a.w.


Siapakah orang yang buta?

Orang yang buta adalah orang yang tidak mahu membaca dan meneliti akan kebesaran Al Qur'an dan tidak mahu mengambil pelajaran daripadanya.


Siapakah orang yang tuli?

Orang yang tuli adalah orang yang di beri nasihat dan pengajaran yang baik namun tidak
diendahkannya.


Siapakah orang yang sibuk?

Orang yang sibuk adalah orang yang tidak mengambil berat akan waktu solatnya seolah-olah ia mempunyai kerajaan seperti kerajaan Nabi Sulaiman a.s.


Siapakah orang yang manis senyumanya?

Orang yang mempunyai senyuman yang manis adalah orang yang di timpa musibah lalu dia kata "Inna lillahi wainna illaihi rajiuun." Lalu sambil berkata,"Ya Rabbi Aku redha dengan ketentuanMu ini", sambil
mengukir senyuman.


Siapakah orang yang menangis airmata mutiara?

Orang yang menangis airmata mutiara adalah orang-orang yang sedang bersendiri lalu mengingat akan kebesaran Tuhan dan menyesal akan dosa-dosanya lalu mengalir airmatanya.


Siapakah orang yang kaya?

Orang yang kaya adalah orang yang bersyukur dengan apa yang ada dan tidak loba akan kenikmatan dunia yang sementara ini.


Siapakah orang yang miskin?

Orang yang miskin adalah orang tidak puas dengan nikmat yang ada sentiasa menumpuk-numpukkan harta.


Siapakah orang yang pandai?

Orang yang pandai adalah orang yang bersiap siap untuk hari kematiannya kerana dunia ini berusia pendek sedang akhirat kekal abadi


Siapakah orang yang bodoh?

Orang yang bodoh adalah orang yang beriya-iya berusaha sekuat tenaga untuk dunianya sedangkan akhiratnya diabaikan.


Siapakah orang yang maju dalam hidupnya?

Orang yang maju dalam hidupnya adalah orang-orang yang senantiasa mempertingkat ilmu agamanya.


Siapa kah orang-orang yang mundur hidupnya?

Orang yang mundur dalam hidupnya adalah orang yang tidak memperdulikan akan halal dan haramnya akan sesuatu perkara itu.


Siapakah orang yang gila itu?

Orang yang gila itu adalah orang yang tidak sembahyang kerana hanya dua syarat saja yang memperbolehkan akan seorang itu meninggalkan sembahyang, pertama sekiranya ia haid dan kedua ketika ia tidak siuman akalnya.


Siapakah orang yang rugi?

Orang yang rugi adalah orang yang sudah sampai usia pertengahan namun masih berat untuk melakukan ibadat dan amal-amal kebaikkan.


Siapakah orang yang selalu ditipu?

Orang yang selalu di tipu adalah orang muda yang menyangka bahawa kematian itu berlaku hanya pada orang tua.


Siapakah orang yang mempunyai rumah yang paling luas?

Orang yang mempunyai rumah yang paling luas adalah orang yang mati membawa amal amal kebaikan di mana kuburnya akan di perluaskan saujana mata memandang.


Siapakah orang yang mempunyai rumah yang sempit lagi dihimpit?

Orang yang mempunyai rumah yang sempit adalah orang yang mati tidak membawa amal-amal kebaikkan lalu kuburnya menghimpitnya.

Kenalilah Diri kamu Rata2 Nescaya Engkau Akan Mengenali Tuhan Yang
Amat Nyata .....

ini pesanan dan peringatan untuk diri saya sendiri dan anda sekalian...

harap dapat diterima dengan hati yang terbuka...

Forwarded by MS

Whisper from the heart....

There are something that should havent been so stormy
There are something that have been so confusing
There are something that cannot be adjusted
There are some moment that cant be change or folded

I see no way of regtreting
I see no way of turning
I see no way of lying

The reality states the truth, what's been done and what's not.

No fault of being a loving person
No fault of being an honest person
No fault of being a loyal person
No fault of being a thouhgtful person

That everytime i felt like leaving,
That every tears that drops daily,
That every feelings that bleed,
That every heart that tears apart

I keep on breathing, surviving
I keep on praying
I keep on believing
I keep on forgiving,

Every steps you take
Every single mistakes
Every hurt you made
Every love you gave

Is the love from Allah
Is the love i need to take care of
Because i really love you, duniya akhirah

If i fly high, i wanted you to fly highier too
If i success, i wanted you to success too
If I'm happy, i need you to have all hapiness in this world
If I live, dear Allah, i really need him with me....


InshaAllah

A chance...

::SEARCHING RAINBOWS::...when light meets the rain..."


Love,
Me

Internal Conflict

i feel too empty this few days, as i browse through facebook's quizzes to make me a bit happier,...i just discovered a few things in me..

1- IS HE THE ONE?
Answer : 85% that he IS THE ONE
Description : He's a keeper. Treasure the moments you two spend together and you
will soon find yourself at the launch of an extraordinary experience.

If only what stated is so true...I'm not sure how he felt about me the days we're together.But in me i just feel that he is being himself. A strong person that really tried his best for our good.But only Allah knows.

2- ARE YOU IN LOVE?
Answer :100% in love(soulmates)

If only there's more option in the answer list, i thought of choosing,..INFINITY.
Infinity in love with him.SMQASY.

3- HOW MUCH DOES YOUR PARTNER LOVES YOU?
Answer : 110% in love with you

I can see that too,when my thought flashes back into the past. I'm just not sure why things turn bad later...I love and always love him,InshaAllah...

4- LOVE CALCULATOR
Answer : You and your partner are 97% compatible

This answer makes me sad...Is there any chances for us to get back together? Dear Allah, please do accept my duas n wishes.Not only me.He once stated that I'm his dream.To be with me.To be the father of my children.That's what he once dreamt of. I hope he never forget it.

5- Relationship Evaluation Quiz
Answer :



I just...missed him T-T

6- What's your soulmate like?
Answer : Your soul mate is sensitive and attentive. He / she takes pleasure in making sure both of you feel comfortable, secure and blissful in the relationship. He / she incorporates all the virtues of being trust-worthy, loyal, and a good listener. You'll find yourself so pampered in the relationship that you would never want to leave.

He once was that person.Its just that he left, with some reason-only he knows.He may have some weakness, but i guess every human made mistakes, learn from mistakes, and improve by time. I just dream of a chance.If ever i made him disapointed, i just hope that he may give me another chance to improve.

7- Is she/he crushing you back?
Answer : He is falling for you

Hope its true. That he never forgets me. Because this love i'm having never faded. The worst part is that, i dont know how to leave, even after you've left. Love you dear.. T-T

8- What love quote are you?
Answer : "Make me immortal with a kiss"
--Christopher Marlowe

Everytime he tried to kiss me,i rejected.But i wanted him to understand, that its not that i dont want pampered him with it, its just that i know i have no legal license to do so-we're not married, and i respect my position.I may hurt Allah by doing so.I believe this love need blessing from Allah...to survive.InshaAllah.

9- Apakah ciri-ciri pasangan hidup anda?
Answer : bertanggungjwb,penyayang dan beriman

tahniah!!pasangan anda adalah seorang yang bertanggungjwb, mengambil berat, mampu membimbing anda dan mampu menjadi nakhoda rumah tangga yang baik..kerana sifat2 anda ada padanya,,lelaki yang baik adalah untuk wanita yang baik dan sebaliknya...

When i get this answer, my tears do fall.I mean it. Those phrases really do reminds me of you dear. I rememer the first time i fall for you, when i hear your reading the Qunut doa in your Subuh prayer.

10- Calculate BMI
Answer : RESULT
Your BMI is 18. You are Underweight. You should eat more to have an ideal weight.

BMI index cannot be used as a sole method to evaluate someone's health. Please visit your doctor to have a complete evaluation of your health.
This BMI calculator is only suitable for adults.

If only i could add more my weight to reach my normal one.I loose to many after breaking up.My body is responding to my emotional state now i guess.I'm happy but i miss a really big thing now.Him.

I was never this stress before. I was never this unclear with where i'm going to.I was never having this complication. This love ever since i met, teaches me to be honest and loyal.This love i ever since i met, really put in a serious and detail desicion. I'm really drown in it. This conflict i really am,having it,inside....

Owh Allah! I prayed for my sakinah to come back one day.

Madad Ya Rasulallah =)

Diriwayatkan didalam Shahih Bukhari, Allah Swt berfirman didalam hadits qudsiy, ketika salah seorang hamba berbuat dosa lantas ia beristighfar dan bertaubat kepada Allah. Allah Swt berfirman 15.53 “fa’alima abdiy anna lahu Rabban yaghfiruudzzunuuba wa ya’khudz bih, ghafartu li ‘abdiy” hamba-Ku, ia tahu setelah ia berbuat dosa, ia menyesal pada-Ku. Dialah (Allah) yang paling dekat kepada kita, Cintanya paling setia kepada kita, Kasih Sayang-Nya terindah kepada kita. Kita mengenal Kasih Sayang-Nya muncul setiap saat dan kejap. Buktinya adalah kehidupan kita yang itu semua bukti Cintanya Allah. Namun ketika kita mengkhianati Allah dengan dosa dan kesalahan maka ketika sang pengkhianat ini beristighfar memohon pengampunan-Nya, Sang Maha Baik menjawab “hamba-Ku tahu ada Tuhan yang selalu mengampuninya, ia mengenal Kasih Sayang-Ku, Ku-maafkan hamba-Ku”.

ayat-ayat hikmah

“Tidaklah seorang muslim tertusuk duri atau yang lebih dari itu, melainkan ditetapkan baginya dengan sebab itu satu derajat dan dihapuskan pula satu kesalahan darinya”. (HR. Muslim no. 2572).

“Tidaklah menimpa seorang mukmin rasa sakit yang terus menerus, kepayahan, penyakit, dan juga kesedihan, bahkan sampai kesusahan yang menyusahkannya, melainkan akan dihapuskan dengan dosa-dosanya”. (HR. Muslim no. 2573).

Tourette Syndrome

I just need some spirit or at least a reason that could light up my life....Last night i watched a movie of a Nursery teacher who has Tourette syndromme(which they produces sounds like a duck), in his last speech when awarded the Teacher of the Year, saying, the best teacher i ever had, "My Tourette".
With love, i coud strive even harder, but without love, i felt being paralysed.I just need a strength for me to be strong to face the world and the future.At the same time,i still have him in this heart. But maybe i should try not to think too much of him.Praying is enough.I just need strength dear Allah. And only you know everything, what's going to happen next, or the hikmah of yesterdays, hopefully tomorrow is going to be a day with rahmah and blessing for both our family.Ameen.InshaAllah.





KU SERAH CINTA by In-Team


Ku serah segala ketentuan
Biarlah masa yang berbicara
Dipangku wajah yang layu
Dan aku telah jemu

Aku tidak mahu berpaling
Pada yang mengganggu dan menggugat
Sapanya meletihkan diri
Hadirnya mengundang penat

Akan ku serah cinta ini
Bukan lagi pada manusia
Kerana cinta martabat itu
Bersalut segunung kepalsuan
Dan kepuraan

Aku semakin tidak peduli
Apa yang mungkin akan terjadi
Kerana gerak dan tindakanku
Mahu bebas dari masalah

Ku serahkan cinta ini
Hanya padaMu, oh Tuhan

Akan ku serah cinta ini
Bukan lagi pada manusia
Kerana cinta martabat itu
Bersalut segunung kepalsuan
Dan kepuraan

Aku adalah aku sekarang
Biar terbuang tetap berjuang
Akan ku serahkan jiwa ini
Sepenuh hati dengan keikhlasan
Aku adalah aku yang sekarang
Ku serahkan cinta ini



Grant me sakinah dear Allah.

Love,
me-

T-T

I misses.......


Him

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

I take the test in facebook on What type of disorder do i have? and i came out with this answer : OCD Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.


OCD: You have odd obsessions that you cannot seem to control. You may even perform rituals to make you feel better. Counting and continuously obsessing over things happens frequently. The typical OCD sufferer performs tasks (or compulsions) to seek relief from obsession-related anxiety. To others, these tasks may appear odd and unnecessary. But for the sufferer, such tasks can feel critically important, and must be performed in particular ways to ward off dire consequences and to stop the stress from building up.


Well, yes...maybe logically i came from a capricornean astrological team(9th January), which, capricorn has the traits/characteristics of:

1=The spiritual goal is to learn to understand the feelings and needs of other people.
2=Inside anyone who has strong Capricornean influences is a person who worries about security -- physical, social, and emotional. A typical Capricorn cannot bear to be embarrassed in public.
3=Sometimes, Capricorn longs to let go a little and to allow themselves to join in on the fun -- let their toes tap in time with the music. But usually a sense of duty and a terrible fear of looking foolish stop them from acting out their desires.
4=Capricorns are also secret romantics who want a perfect and secure love in their lives.
5=has strong Capricornean influence will tend to take life seriously.
6=She seeks a partner who has a good, secure position in life already. She is more likely to make a bad choice of partner than the male Capricorn, but she will soon recognize her mistake.
7=In business, Capricorn women do not often choose other women as partners.
8=If the partner, in marriage or business, is lost through death or similar misfortune, Capricorns of both sexes find it hard to replace the partner and will tend to draw within themselves.
9=To Capricorn, love is the source of all inspiration. Shy, awkward with the opposite sex, and very much private people, Capricorns are, nevertheless, deeply interested in love and are reputed to be the most capable and loyal of lovers.
Capricorn in love will have many of the characteristics listed below.

Behavior When In Love

The typical Capricorn:

* is slow to make approaches and never flirts for fun

* only says "I love you" when it is meant and does not see any reason to keep repeating it

* may worry about the emotional aspect of the relationship

* must feel financially secure to enjoy love

* is caring, considerate, and committed to the loved one

Expectations

The typical Capricorn expects:

* to be taken seriously

* to make a long-term committment

* faithfulness

* privacy

* to make a home and a family

* to be admired by the loved one

Thru this arcticle i found, i just understand the nature of me and the logical state of having the OCD now.i know myself quite well,which, capricorn plans her life quite well,with detail spot of aims in future planning.But i came to see that, my point of strength(love) is no longer with me. The rapid loss makes me a bit unhappy with life.Just missing someone who's truely important.

I just want to state that, only by completing it, i'll feel much better and happier as a capricorn, in life,i'll be the most happiest person, thus,could help me upgrading myself.InshaAllah, Allah knows me better. And Allah knows that LOVE is my weakest point.and he put me in such condition to test my belief and my Imaan to Him. I shall take it positively and hope that Allah gives me strength to go through this hardness in the most respectfull manner as a Caliph of Allah.InshaAllah.May Allah be with me. And protect him too.

Please Allah,if this pain to be soooo hard for me,please at least give me the sakinah so that i can stand strong facing it.
And please Allah,show me the correct path that i should go through,because only you know the best for everyone.
If being with him is the best, give me strength to always pray for us.
If being with someone else is better for me, show me the way to forget him.

InshaAllah.Ameen.

Love,
me-