Stay

It was a day after the whole family got back from kampung at Johor, that i got the chance to surf the internet. The whole night it was good, the whole family was at family area, sitting and enjoying CSI Supreme on Sunday night. It was rare for us to get the chance to spend such a quality time together. The last time was on 1 Muharram, when all 5 of us joined doa awal and akhir tahun at Masjid Negara, until isya'. I felf really happy that night :)

And last night right after the CSI supreme of CSI Miami, CSI Ctrime Scene followed by CSI New York, i landed in my room, surfing internet that i missed quite a while when at kampung. I was happy to see my lovely sister Zeynab was online. Quite a while since the last time we chat together. We talked through some brilliant thought, sharing few problems, and some updates on us. I am truely happy that Allah gave us time to meet.

After logging out and ending the conversation, I went directly to sleep. It was a dream that made me feel wanting to stay,not waking up. Quite awkward but feels like its a reality.

It was him I met(not sure the location or event we're having), me and him positioned to be at the same room. He was already there in the room when I entered. I am quite shocked to see him, surprised, but also happy actually. But I hide the happy feelings i have, not showing how my heart beats fasts. I drew to him, acting normal,sit beside him at around table. He's face looked calm,as like nothing had happened between us. Sometimes putting in a smile that I've missed a lot since the separation. Looked sincere, happy, really like the person I fell in love with. Its him. I just stood still, keeping my mouth shut. And so as he.But sometimes he steal a look on me, and i realised. we didnt say anything until someone knocked the door, asking for me to go out (sort of like meeting someone or an appoinment).

I stood up and walked to the door. But before i got to step out of the room, he called out my name. I was surprised again. Is this true that he's calling my name again? Is it true that he's looking at me right at that moment? I closed the door, but couldnt looked at him. Its the feeling I've missing all this while. Its back knocking the door of my heart.

He came right next to me,

" Please stay. I need you with me. Please dont leave."

Oh Allah what is this dream? What does it means? Or have I been dreaming too much?

Maybe i just missed him and thats all. But maybe there are hikmah that only Allah knew. Subhanallah!

"I thought you'd feel unconfortable having me around. Thats why I'm leaving,"

I said.

"Stay."

His last word I remembered before Mama waked me up for Subuh Prayer.

When I think of it. I am not sure what to say, but Allah knows everything he gave in my life. Every single thing I believed the must be hikmah. But my heart arent hoping. Specifically, -is afraid of hoping. But what i know is that, i must keep on praying for thing i believed in. InshaAllah Allah will protect me along the way.

I am writting this on 21Disember2009,06:13pm. I've caught fever, due to food poisonning(most probably from few events at kampung) or maybe, just the dream. Its hot, and cold, sometimes freezing. Allah knows how I feel until now, which I myself isnt sure of. Nobody, nobody except Allah the AlMighthy knows it all. Sholawat dedicated to Muhammad SAW the prophet of Allah.



Love,
me-