Monday, June 15, 2009

A prayer. A hope.

The past few days, I got a surprise. Could say a point of strength, could say a state of hope, but sometimes blurred with curiosity and cowardness. In me. A wave came along.

Dear love, look who’s coming? Its your brother, the one you love, and the one I respect.

I never thought I would have been in such condition to speak with him when everything between you and me are no more like yesterday. Last time, when I’m on phone with you, I only hear him talking slowly beside you, driving carefully at the driver seat. But now, its him, really, speaking to me, as your brother, as a brother to the person i love,while you are not there. I just wish I’ve been introduced to your whole family in a nice and pleasant manner, as a girl you love, and dreaming to be introduced proudly, with pride and love. However, Allah the Al-Mighty knows the best for us now, and forever.

Quoting few lines of his that makes me feel missing you, mixed with sadness and emptiness, hapiness…too many feelings I had at one time. I’m confused what to do,but at the same time I believe in what your brother said. Its so true.

He was asking me whether I like to learn Islam in deeper. Surely YES I answered. Islam is my life. My purpose of life. My goal. I’d do anything to learn more.

Later he asked me, why I didn’t meet you. I answered, it’s not me who’s running away, but its you dear. I tried, but you seem to run more further. What should I do?

“Hm my advice is… keep it up”

Keep on praying, the best will follow then.He said.

My eyes shattered with tears as I’m reading his words. I missed you. I just wish my heart could communicate to yours like in the pastime. I wish my words do work with you, give you calm instead of misery,give you happiness instead of problems.

The biggest word from him is, “You honestly straight to Allah's path... and I’ll help you with him”.

May Allah bless all of us. I hope its more than just a compromise.I hope its a prayer, a blessing, a wish. I feel some blessing, that someone in your family feels the pain I have. I felt the burden a bit lighter now. Somebody hears.But at the end,I hope you hear me more than others do.

That night, I felt so close to you. As like I’m invited to be apart of yours. I feel like your family are trying to know me more.And giving me chance. If only I’ve been presented by you..

This pain, and love, I hope you do understand.

I‘m not the type of girl that when you leave me, I’ll get too angry and delete you easily from my life. I’m the type of girl, when once I’ve given my love to someone, the love shall be seeded for duniya and akhirah. Whether you are alive, or dead, my heart will oweys be there for you, praying you peace, praying for your best, praying for your health, in everything you do, in every steps you take.

Sorry that, I just don’t know how to leave home(you)…

The last miracle phrase from your brother that I’ll never forget…

“Take care of yourself, and your belief(Islam) every day…and from there, will be miracle from Allah SWT”

He, made me believe, that miracles do really exist.once and possibly later.

THE ONLY MIRACLE that happened to me before is HAVING YOU in MY LIFE.

And hopefully, the NEXT MIRACLE would be YOU TO COME BACK TO ME.

Love you dear, more than you ever imagine. More than you ever know.